"He who angers you, conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny
I remember having a pretty nasty temper when I was younger. And I don't really like to blame anyone for it, because I know I'm ultimately responsible for my own actions, but the truth is my mom may have taught me a thing or two about going berserk.
my anger, but also the anger of others. They showed me how to put my thoughts into perspective, how to look at the big picture, and how to think deeply about each problem rather than reacting solely based on instinct. These classes also taught me the very valuable lesson that if I get angry and blow up, the people around me will too. However, if I remain calm and speak softly, so will others. Now, after five years of teaching, I have never once had to yell at class or raise my voice. Even in California, where it was sometimes all too common to walk by a classroom and hear a teacher screaming at the students, I never once had to succumb to that.
You see, my mom used to smoke, so naturally there were ashtrays laying all over the house: in the kitchen, on the coffee table, even up in her bathroom. These ashtrays became ammunition for her whenever my brother Nick or I would make her upset, which was more frequent than I'd like to admit. If Nick and I were fighting or arguing, and wouldn't stop after she'd yelled at us several times, she would grab the nearest ashtray, wind up like a pitcher in the major leagues, and throw it at one of us as hard as she could. Normally her aim was way off, thankfully, and I don't think she ever intended to actually hit us, but one time I did catch an ashtray in the back of the head. It hurt. I may have bled a bit, too. But while it did temporarily stop me from fighting with my brother, it unfortunately made me think that it was okay to lose control and even to throw things when I was furious, rather than taking a deep breath and coping with my anger. (Quick note: Don't take this story too far out of context. I love my mother to death, and she did a wonderful job raising my siblings and I. It's just that she did have a temper, and this might have been the result of things my brothers and I had done. So I don't want to paint a completely derogatory picture of my mother here.)
Luckily, when I started studying at the University of Iowa, I began taking a variety of classes for my teaching degree like Educational Psychology, Classroom Management, and even a class called Quest for Human Destiny. All of these classes taught me how to not only control
my anger, but also the anger of others. They showed me how to put my thoughts into perspective, how to look at the big picture, and how to think deeply about each problem rather than reacting solely based on instinct. These classes also taught me the very valuable lesson that if I get angry and blow up, the people around me will too. However, if I remain calm and speak softly, so will others. Now, after five years of teaching, I have never once had to yell at class or raise my voice. Even in California, where it was sometimes all too common to walk by a classroom and hear a teacher screaming at the students, I never once had to succumb to that.Once again though, this was something I had to learn. I don't think I was born with a calm demeanor, nor was I born with the desire to go irate. We typically learn from what our environments teach us, and I was fortunate enough to step into a new environment where I discovered an alternative to letting my anger control me.
Some techniques I use on a daily basis to control any anger or frustration are:
- Breathing deeply
- Listening to peaceful music
- Putting my life into perspective by realizing how lucky I am
- Taking pictures
- Working out
- Playing basketball or tennis or going for a bike ride
- Painting or drawing or writing
- SLOWING DOWN
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