Anne Frank Soundtrack

Drowning in Insecurity 

1.    “I Could Die For You” – Red Hot Chili Peppers

-       Miep risks her life, helping the Franks and the Van Daans stay alive.  She could die for what she's doing, but continues to sacrifice herself for two and half years.  The Red Hot Chili Peppers' song talks about how someone chooses to be with someone, and how they could die for them.  

2.    “In the End” – Linkin Park

-       This song is a bit nihilistic, because it says that in the end, it doesn’t matter what we do, we’re still going to suffer and die anyway.  I disagree with this message to some extent, but it relates to the people in the secret annex since they struggled to survive, but in the end, they were discovered anyway.

3.    “Gone Daddy Gone” – Gnarls Barkley

-       Gnarls Barkley sings about how the love has gone away.  It’s unclear whom the love is for, but I immediately picture Anne lying down with her father, telling him how she doesn’t love anyone but him.  The love she had for her mother has gone away.

4.    “We Didn’t Start the Fire” – Billy Joel

-       The Franks and the Van Daans are caught in a situation they didn’t create, but are suffering nonetheless.  This song by Billy Joel details things throughout history we have had no control over, but that have affected us in various ways.

5.    “The Way I Am” – Eminem

-       “I don’t mean to be mean, but that’s all I can be, is just me” (Eminem, “The Way I Am”), is a line that reminds me of Anne and her struggle to figure out who she is.  At times she’s confident, and at others she regrets the nasty things she does.  Eminem’s song is about accepting who we are, regardless of what that may be.  As Anne matures, she is coming to terms with her own identity. 

6.    “Don’t Panic” – Coldplay

-       Chris Martin, the lead singer of Coldplay, tries to reassure us in this song that, “We live in a beautiful world” (“Don’t Panic).  In order for the families not to panic, they had to convince themselves of this as well, and hope that one day they would be saved by the Allied forces.  (Editor’s Note:  In the citation above, the in-text citation does not include the band’s name because it was already mentioned in that sentence.) 

7.    “Paperback Writer” – Beatles

-       Anne aspires to be a writer.  She dreams of having her words published one day, and this song by the Beatles is about different people who want to be writers as well. 

8.    “Young Love” – Chris Brown

-       The song says, “Since we ain’t 21 they be tryin’ to say it ain’t love” (Brown, “Young Love), and this is connects with what Anne and Peter are struggling with.  As they slowly start to fall in love, Mrs. Van Daan and Mrs. Frank question their intentions and their emotions. 

9.    “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” – Tears for Fears:

-       We all struggle for control over our own lives, but it’s obvious that we are at the mercy of others in so many ways.  That’s essentially what this song is about, and it connects to the play because all eight people in the secret annex are desperately fighting to have some sense of freedom.  Anne wants to be treated like an adult.  Mr. Van Daan wants his cigarettes.  Mr. Dussel desires peace and quiet.  They want to rule their own world, yet they must come to terms with the fact that others influence them.

10.                  “Promiscuous” – Nelly Furtado

-       If you don’t know what promiscuity is, look it up.  This song is all about it, and it correlates perfectly with the characterization of Mrs. Van Daan.  She attempts to be a bit promiscuous with Mr. Frank, and he’ll have none of it.

If Only I Understood...

There are so many things in life that I just don't get.  Let's start with cars.  That's right, the thing I drive every single day.  The thing I've been driving for the last 11 YEARS!  And yet, I must confess, I don't understand a thing about how my car actually works.  I couldn't change my own oil if I had to, so you can imagine how I feel when I hear the breaks start making odd noises, or when the engine doesn't sound quite right.  Ignorance is scary.

Let's move on to cooking.  Yep, I understand how to eat perfectly well.  Place anything in front of me, and I'll know whether I should use a fork, spoon, knife, or whether I should just grab it with my bare hands and scarf it down.  But cooking...hah!  Not a chance.  My cooking repertoire consists of egg sandwiches, a couple pasta dishes, and maybe cookies.  (If I followed the directions, I'm sure I could make some mean chocolate-chip cookies.)  You know, I keep telling myself that I will learn how to cook one day, but the days just keep on passin' by.  Ignorance is annoying.  

We'll end with myself.  I must admit, that sometimes I just do not understand why I do some of the things I do.  I'm like Anne Frank.  I know I should do one thing--like learn to cook--but I do the exact opposite.  I make decisions I know aren't always beneficial.  I say things, and immediately wonder, "What in the world was I thinking?"  But, I will say this: I understand more about myself now, than I ever did when I was 13.  I also understand far more about the world than I ever have before.  And the most important thing I've come to understand and accept, is that I will never understanding everything. Ignorance is unavoidable.    

Understanding My Mom

As much as I love my mom, I never thought to take the time to understand her when I was young. I was a selfish child, and I just assumed other people should try to understand me, not vice versa.  If I was irate or sobbing about something, it was my mom's job to come over with kleenex, wipe the tears and snot from my face, and ask me what's wrong.

It wasn't until I moved away from home that I realized, "Wow, I don't know a whole lot about my mom."  I could tell you anything about Michael Jordan as a kid--where he went to 

college, how many times he'd been MVP, how many championships he'd won, and even when his birthday was (Feb. 17th)--but I couldn't tell you a whole lot about my own mother.  It was a sad realization.

So I sat down one day and did everything I could to get to know her better.  What I learned fascinated me.  She grew up loving horses, and rode them frequently.  She began smoking at an early age and regrets it to this day.  Her father favored her over one of her sisters, and it created a lot of animosity between her and her siblings.  My mom admits to loving the attention she received, but had some vicious fights with her sister Sheryl because of it.  

My mom claimed she was not a good student, and that I got my brains from my father.  But when I brought up the fact that he divorced her and left his children, so he couldn't be that smart, she laughed.  I was serious.  My mom never went to college though,  and got pregnant when she was 18.  She married soon after that, but sadly, her first husband died a few years later.  She stayed away from men for a while, but married my father because, as she claims, "He was soooo good looking."  Yuck.  Unfortunately, their relationship only lasted a couple years and he left my mom once I was born.  She said that she wishes she had made better choices with men, but doesn't regret having four beautiful children.

There is so much more to my mom that I could share, but I think the idea is clear: as I've learned more about my mom over time, and come to understand her better, I can't help but respect her 

more, and love her more, knowing all that she's been through.  She worked so hard to raise four children on her own, lost a husband to a fatal disease, and grew up dealing with constant feuds between her and her sister.  And now, after everything she's been through, she has to struggle 

each and every day with the illness she has.  

I'm just thankful I took the time to try to understand my mom a little better, before it's too late.  

Confronting My Fears

ELEANOR ROOSEVELT:

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

I think old Eleanor might be onto something with that quote.  I know that I've been petrified of doing so many things in my life, and had I not taken the risk to do some of those things, my life would be filled with regret and disappointment.  But it's not, because I have faced, and conquered so many of my fears throughout life.

Some of the biggest fears I've confronted have dealt with moving.  

To start off, I left my family to go to college at the age of 18.  You want to talk about nerve-racking; I had never ever lived away from home, and there I was, moving to a city four hours from my family.  Yikes!  What did I know about living alone?  Nothing.  I couldn't cook, I couldn't clean, and I could barely make my own bed.  Of course I'm exaggerating a little, but it was terrifying to leave a place I had known ALL of my life.  

But I didn't stop there.  Once I conquered that fear, I began to gain more confidence, and I moved even farther away.  At the end of my final year at the university, I left the state of Iowa to teach in California.  All the friends I had made...good-bye.  The girl I was dating...adios.  I knew that I wanted a bigger challenge so I packed up and moved.  And it turned out to be perfect.  I taught at a middle school where I quickly became a leader, met students I'll stay in touch with forever, and designed programs that still help the school today.

But I knew I couldn't stay there either, because I had always wanted to teach internationally. So I took on another fear.  I left the U.S. to come all the way here to Guatemala, a country with so much beauty, but definitely with its fair share of negative publicity.  This didn't stop me.  I wasn't going to let the fear of something terrible happening, prevent me from doing something I wanted to do.  And here I am, a year and a half later, loving it.  The school I teach at is without a doubt the best school I've worked at yet, and I couldn't have asked for a better experience.  

So facing my fears has easily changed my life in so many positive ways.  Every one of those situations terrified me at first.  Not knowing anyone, leaving my comfort zone, risking everything just to move to a different city, state, or country.  But, in the long run, each situation also gave me courage, strength, and confidence to continue facing my fears.  

This is why it's so important to start young.  The kids I see pushing themselves to attempt new things, try out for sports, run for student government, raise their hands in class, and even participate in crazy activities like CAG's Got Talent demonstrate the power of facing our fears.  Those that do, those that have the courage and the confidence to push themselves to experience every aspect of life, continue to grow and live each moment fully.  

DON MIGUEL RUIZ:

"Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are."

Nothing to Fear but...

When I was young, I had some really abnormal fears.  I was afraid of dying in my sleep, of putting my shoe on and feeling a giant spider or snake inside, and I was even afraid of one of my grandma's wigs attacking me.  Abnormal, I know.  But one that was extremely strange and irrational, was my fear of something attacking me while I was going to the bathroom.  Like I said in class, it may have had something to do with a movie I saw, but when I was young, I always panicked a little because I thought something would jump out of the toilet and get me when I was the most vulnerable.  Fortunately, nothing ever did, and I've conquered this ridiculous fear, but it was certainly real for a while.

Nowadays, my fears have become more rational.  Like the fear of losing my mom and not being able to say good-bye.  She has Multiple Sclerosis, and has been unable to walk or feed herself for quite a few years now.  My mom lives in a nursing home where she gets constant care, but I'm always afraid that something will happen to her, and I won't have the chance to say good-bye, or to tell her everything I want to say.  It seems logical to just call her and tell her right now, but I'm also afraid to talk to her about death and things like this.  I keep telling myself I'm going to do it the next time I fly home, but it never feels right.  Maybe this is a fear I need to conquer soon.  

I'm also a little terrified about the state of the world.  Just yesterday, virtually every stock market in the world fell drastically.  Four countries--Russia, Indonesia, Ukraine, and Romania--even closed their stock markets fearing the loss of millions of dollars.  Global warming frightens me, as does the loss of drinkable water.  We take it for granted that all this clean, purified water will continue to just show up, but there are so many countries at this very moment losing access to drinkable water.  And these fears are rational.  They exist because there is a good possibility we could all be affected by these things soon.

With that said, I don't waste my day in a state of anxiety.  That's pointless.  While I'm teaching, or eating, or hanging out with friends, I don't break down and cry because the value of the dollar may crumble, or because I may not have clean water one day.  This would be foolish.  For the most part, I live in the present moment as much as possible and deal with challenges as they arise.  This seems the most rational of all.  

Image citation: http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/spanish/business/newsid_7660000/7660311.stm

The Significantly Unimportant Role of Beauty

Our society is infatuated with beauty.  We love it.  We crave it.  We pay for it even.  Look at the beautiful cars we drive, the people we pay to make our homes immaculate, and the amount of money we throw away on beauty products.  Beauty has become such an obsession that has distorted our reality.  Rather than being content with who we are and what we have, we constantly degrade ourselves because we're not "perfect" enough.  

I suppose this obsession wouldn't bother so much if we shed a little more light on the inner beauty we all possess.  But it remains hidden.  Movies and advertisements are so fixated on polishing up the exterior, that we rarely have the opportunity to see the beauty that lies within.  And we have to be honest with ourselves too, and admit that very, very few of us look like the people we see on TV.  Why?  Because THEY don't even look like they do on TV.  With makeup and technology, anyone can be transformed into something "beautiful."  The problem is, that isn't true beauty.  True beauty is finding acceptance with what we were given, and learning to embrace our imperfections.  Confidence is beautiful.  Unselfishness is beautiful.  Intelligence and awareness are beautiful.  We should work on cultivating these things, and less time trimming our eyebrows or going to the salon.

Oh, and do I think I'm beautiful.  ABSOLUTELY.  I'm confident, I believe in who I am, I give so much of myself to others, and I look at life as a blessing each and every day.  These things make me far more beautiful than any haircut, or any article of clothing.